i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
