if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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