Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
