i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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