Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
