I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
