i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
