So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
