So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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