so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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