I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
