So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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