trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
How external is "for external use only"?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize