Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
