the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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