I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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