I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
