Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
