I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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