Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
