my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
