I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
