The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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