So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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