dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
