I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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