I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
