He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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