Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
