I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
