What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize