Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
