Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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