My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Randomize
