bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
