Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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