By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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