so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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