I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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