I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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