Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
