i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize