fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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