To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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