My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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