i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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