I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
