So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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