Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
