ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
