We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
