if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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