the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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