; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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