Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
whose parrot is this?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
