I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
