can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
