The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
