Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
