beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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