hotel room ftw
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
