walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
