what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
