My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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