Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
