Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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